January 18th, 2005

Neko (lofulah)


In seeking the things that are currently stressing me out, I've found:
-Start of classes, general uncertainly, and the need to work harder. Even though I don't know how.
-Money. Money to pay for college, money to pay for computer and repairs and stuff.

At least I think I know where the uncomfortable-wanna-go-curl-up-in-a-ball-and-cry sorta feeling's coming from. I think. Jeeze, this is a pain. Can I shield myself from myself? o.O I can shield myself from everyone else, I can shield Lady from everyone/everything else, but myself from myself? Or at least the worried, emotional, male/female parts of me from myself? So I'm left with just a brain and thinking and working and not caring about god know what else?

Argh. Yeah, sorry guys, I know I've ranted a lot over the past... three?four days? And I've felt crappy in general, not physically crappy, just.. emotionally and mentally crappy. And spiraling dooooownwards. Which pisses me off even more, 'cause there's nothing I can do to stop it, no, not yet. Well, yeah, there's destructive things that I could do, but I whine at other to not do it, so I certainly can't go around doing it myself, ne?

Classes start in 9 hours. If I can find my professor and figure out where classes are meeting. Hahahahaaa.... Theatre-tech. Let's hope it's nice and interesting and stressless. That aside, the only other class I have is Japanese. My textbook is open next to me.. I was reading it... kinda. There's so much to review. And I had wanted to look ahead too. Gods, I have no self discipline.

My roommate still isn't back from winter break. I boggle, yo~ (watch him stroll in in the next 5 minutes, now that I've posted this. Hahaha.)
  • Current Music
    neighbor's electric piano.. random.. something.
Neko (lofulah)


[self-musings follow... nothing to concern you guys, just move onto your next friend's post.]
I should talk to Lily L. again. I'm still afraid I'll get screwed over in the long run, but hey, at least I've have been not-as-lonely before I get screwed over~ the only problem is, I'm not too sure how to approach her. 'cause while I did bring up the suggestion to "cut off all contact with her" (omg, so stupid. Note: Once friends, don't do that. 'cause it's just STUPID.), but we never really agreed on doing so. ::shrugs:: I dunno. Probably just online though. Or if in person, without Christine. I don't feel like bothering with having to tiptoe around Christine for fear that she might be in a bad mood. Mmmm, should ask Christine what classes she's taking and see if we have anything in common this semester...

Bleh, I need to go shower and sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeep.

I think my biggest problem in terms of having friends is that going through 2+3+4 years of GT/magnet/IB has spoiled me, so I make friends with only a very select few? Like... I'll find myself interested in girls who randomly quote shakespeare, for example, while playing pool. And be turned off by guys kicking plastic bottles down the hallway and being loud and noisy in general. Or girls who have shitloads of makeup and gossip in flocks. In other words, I think, practical-ness is important. As is minor insanity, and the ability to be strange in public. Yeah.........
  • Current Mood
Neko (lofulah)

And essentially, I'm stupid.

I wouldn't have the time to think about these sorts of problems if I spent it elsewhere, like, on Japanese, for example. Baka. [edit]In other words, TOO MUCH THINKING.

Is this running away? Or a valid truth?
Neko (lofulah)

Yay Apple!

Called Apple (finally. You'd think I'd have done this earlier?) and the tech support guy on the other end was helpful in agreeing with my diagnostic of hardware failure. So Apple will be sending me the box to send the computer back with~ they're paying for shipping both ways (Yay! Proper service! This is better than the free returned shipping from Lexar. 'course, Apple be a lot more expensive...). And I've been informed that the turnaround time should be around 5-7 business days. So 1 week, or two, max, without a computer. Not too bad. Hopefully, I won't have too much homework, else I may be badly screwed during that time.

It also means I won't be checking e-mail 24/7.

I hope the hard drive arrives soon though (hopefully before the box for shipping the iBook with)... and I hope I can still boot my computer by then. 'cause it's uptime is falling... although the time it's spending "broken" is falling as well... kinda. Not really. I dunno. At least I have things to try while poking at it now... 'cept the metal areas around the airport card's slightly dented. Hehe ^^;;

First day of classes. Theatre 199, focusing on the technical side of theatre looks AWESOME. Yes, awesome in caps. There's light hanging, focusing, set/light/sound designing, and tons of nice hand-on things. Plus, we get to go watch invitation-only rehearsals of Candide and some other shows, as well as participate (I think... I hope!) in one or two strikes for shows. So cool.

Japanese... was nervewrecking. I really want to drop it, because a) the stress is bad for me, and b) I'm going to hate the class if this goes on. Not the language, mind, nor the culture, but the class. But I don't know what else I could take to replace it... 'cause it's 5 hours. And I've only got 17 hours... and 12 hours is the minimum, but I'd rather take more classes... but... ARGH. Fucking hell. Plus, I need to make sure I have fulfilled my language requirement... So I'm going to have to wait until friday to check and see how well or how badly I did on the chinese proficiency exam. Ahhhh---.

Ok, I'm going to go review Japanese now. There's nothing else to do, and my computer's dead. Huh. Might actually be a good thing then.

I need to change passwords soon.
Neko (lofulah)



I am updating my address book and it would be very helpful if you could click on the link below and enter your contact details for me:


I am using a service that keeps contact details current, just update your own contact details and then the changes appear in selected friends address books. When I update my contact details you will see them in your address book.

Thank you for helping.

Benjamin Juang

Yay~ more ways to track people!