November 7th, 2005

Neko (lofulah)

Of life.

In response to Sam's post.

Yep~ Life is about living life to the fullest, as you can do it. Smell the flowers, feel the wind, bang your thumb with a hammer during set strike.... etc. Laughing helps too.

I dunno. I've been going through periods of depression that haven't quite been evident in my journal, mostly because much of the time, I just poke the voices in my head instead. I think they keep me sane. ^^;;; Relatively, anyhow. Probably because I don't want to burden other people with my problems and issues.

But in deep, more important ways under all of this crap I keep on the surface (Facade, J & H!) it does help to be recognized, as yes, Ben is someone's good friend. Thus, Ben has a purpose in life, which makes living, in Ben's point of view, slightly easier. As things are right now, I think I'm down to one person who I can point to, and say, yes, I think I'm important in her life.

...The catch to that, though, is that revealing it to that person tends not to work too well, unless they're ready to be a massive pillar of emotional support. It's the parisitic side to humans: in the act of making ourselves slightly happier by leaning on someone else, they'll have to take twice the burden - both of you, and of themselves. It causes the end to some relationships, someone leans a bit too much, the other can't handle it, and boom, both people fall over. In odd wiccan terms, I believe it's more or less, psychic vampirism.

And now, I shall stop babbling. And post this in my journal, 'cause I think there's points here I want to remember later on in life.


Yeah, I think... I might just barely still be able to say that the meaning of life is to live life to the fullest. And for me, I think that still means enjoying everything life throws at me. or throwing it back. And laughing, while I do it. Maybe...

...I'm not ready to be anyone's pillar of support though. I think, some people are attracted to me because they would like me to play that role, because they don't feel strong enough, but I'm no where close. I dunno. It might also be why I call Karen-senpai "senpai. Because as far as I can tell, she's managed to get there. Although she doesn't care too much about things that don't concern her, or would complicate her life, so that would certainly make it easier, but I can't do the not-caring thing. But she's strong, in that aspect, I think.

I dare say Lady's gotten stronger too, than from when I first met her and held her hand, to now... I don't know. I think she's given up on caring about some things too. that the only way though? Isn't there... no, can't there be a way to be strong while caring for many other people?

Because, when other people need you, in the let-me-tell-you-my-problems sort of way, you give up a bit of yourself to that person. And over time, it can get quite taxing. Although there _is_ a different sort of need, which I haven't quite identified yet....
Neko (lofulah)

free flights... o.O free flights
Matched on subscription to category "airfare"

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Why doesn't this happen in the US?
Neko (lofulah)

This isn't good...

I've somehow managed to use nearly 3K since school started, more or less. And I have about 1.1K remaining in my main bank account. I have another 2.1K in stocks, although I'd rather not sell most of them, if I don't have to yet. Then I have another 5K at ingdirect, although all but 1K is locked in CDs, which I won't be able to break for another few months.

53% went to rent. That's 1.6K, more or less.

I know I've spent probably around $250 on groceries/household items. $150 on utilities. Then another $230 on two 30-meal meal plans at a local chinese restaurant.

That brings me up to $2,230, more or less. Hmm... And $550 was spent on the computer. We're ignoring rebates here, since they haven't arrived yet. Don't think there were that many random spending this year, aside from the the graphire tablet, which was only slightly close to $100...

Hm... So that brings us up to $2880? Eh, close enough..

But spending that much money in a few months disturbs me. I think I need to go looking for a job again. Maybe something that's around 10 hours per week...? 2 hours per day shouldn't be too bad, right? Or just like, 5 hours on the weekends? o.O 60 dollars a week, 180-240 dollars per month. Wouldn't exactly bring me back from being so close to negative numbers, but it would at least defray food costs at least.

I definitely still won't be able to get an iPod anytime soon. Damn. This sucks.
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