Yep. There's the sign to call Apple and request yet another happy box to send in my poor laptop.
It was kinda scary, actually. After zeroing the drive, I went back and re-ran the surfact test and the numbers hit about 400 before I said, screw this, and gave up. And then noticed that the S.M.A.R.T. status for the drive in Disk Utility (finally) reports failing.