May 13th, 2007

Neko (lofulah)


Because this was just beautiful:
Dear God;

You know you're still a prick, right? It's bad enough that when you created the world and the people who have to live in it, you designed a faulty product. And seven days, that was a rush job. And even one of those you spent on your ass. There was no quality control, there was no testing before market, none of it. You just slapped a bunch of crap together in a hurry, shoved it out there and expected to be worshipped eternally for doing your job badly.
You could have made the human heart a little more durable - it breaks too easily.
You could have made cruelty a little harder to perform - people do it without even thinking.
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Even better was the comment reply:
Oh, I know. It's just annoying that the human race and the universe they life in are clearly defective products and that it shows. If only he'd put the universe and mankind through beta-testing first, you know?

Archangel Gabriel: "Hey God, we found a few bugs and glitches in the system."
God: "Oh? Like what?"
Archangel Gabriel: "Well, for starters, all the human beings are completely nuts. They keep treating each other like shit, being completely stupid whenever they gather in groups, believe EVERYTHING is your will and-"
God: "Holy me! Are you sure?"
Archangel Gabriel: "Oh, it's not just people that are shoddy. Light itself is behaving as both a particle AND a wave, some of the stars have too much gravity and they're collapsing in on themselves causing holes that lead to fuck knows where, and the dinosaurs just went extinct!"
God: "Oh, bugger. And our service goes this Friday."
Archangel Gabriel: "God, with the way it's looking, we're not going to make the Friday deadline in time to have all these bugs sorted out. I got guys working around the clock, and even bringing in outside contracters like Buddha and Allah isn't helping much. They're insisting on having their own religions in exchange for all the work they're putting in because you fucked up."
God: "Urgh, this is my college graduation project all over again! AGH!"
Archangel Gabriel: "Oh yeah, the duck-billed platypus. Yeeesh. A mammal that lays eggs, what were you thinking?"
God "Look, it's fine! It'll all be okay! We'll release it on Friday, and if there's any problems after a while, I'll send a Jesus patch down there to fix it right up, no problem."
Archangel Gabriel: "*sigh* Right, fine. Oh yeah, Krishna wants to know where to put Atlantis."
God: "What?! Shit, I dunno, I'm too busy for details like that. Tell him to shove it under one of the poles, where we put all that damn ice Izanagi ordered too much of and we couldn't figure out what to do with."
Archangel Gabriel: "Uh-huh. What about the meaning of life, should we write that down on the side of a mountain somewhere?"
God: "Pfft! Don't bother! The human beings are smart, they'll figure out that it's cheese pretty quick."

...Could have happened.

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