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IBNeko's Journal-Nyo~!
ibneko
ibneko
An interesting topic of discussion~
Because relationships/friendships interest me.

Very recently, selphish posed a question: Do your online friendships matter to you as much (or more) than real life relationships?

As of right now, 80+% has voted Yes. I voted no.

Heee~ I'm one of the 16% that said no. I guess, I should say something then~

Note: the way I "rank" my friendships is based on how much I trust the person, and how much I'm willing to rely on them... somehow, I get the feeling that it's not the same for you, so you'll probably want to keep that in mind while reading my comment.

[the below will be somewhat discombobulated due to rather intensive brainworkings in the past hour or so]
I have a pretty deep distrust (or paranoia) with people online, since there's never anything concrete that you can base them on, not having met them before. Meeting people by proxy (ie, this person does exist, because my good friend, whom I trust, has met that person.) tends to be acceptable proof of existence of that person as they appear online. But since you we're talking about online only, we'll go with the first case~ not having met said friend before.
Um. That said, while there are some odd people online, most people can be generally accepted as good, kind, human beings who are not out there to trick you into trusting them. Still, I personally, can't put my online relationships ahead of my IRL ones... because if I had IRL problems, most likely, my IRL friends would know more about said problems, and they'd be the ones I'd turn to for help. I wouldn't expect someone online to be able to do such a thing (mostly because I can't imagine myself doing such a thing for someone else that I've never met) [note: problems/thing = financial difficulties, family deaths, etc / lending money to help, or coming to a funeral]. However, if someone online was to lend a hand when I needed it, my perception of them will change, and I'd probably put their friendship equal, or more, than my IRL friends - because they've shown that they're a real person/good human being.

it seems as though some people think my online friendship should mean less than a relationship forged in real life
some people are idiots. ;D what you want to do with your friendships, and how much you want them to mean to you, is up to you. You're a grown up, and I'm sure you have an ok, if not more than decent ability to understand people, and make choices based on information.

Also, I'd still call these online relationships friendships~ they are still friends, and while I may not go very very far our of my way to lend a hand, I will still step in and help (send files, find information, keep an eye our for stuff) a friend. The line I draw is at money~ if I need to spend money to help, I won't do it.. Mostly because money, at the moment, is a precious commodity. Well, time is too, but usually, help doesn't require too much time... But if one day, I was to become wealthier, you may find me buying people birthday presents and such. Until then... yeah.

Oh, and yeah, interests seem to be a topic of discussion, somewhat. I don't know... I don't have a burning urge to find people with similar interests. I mean, first off, it's not something I would like to base a friendship on, because interests change, and it's occasionally/usually hard to develop something past that interest. (for me, anyways. Then again, I have social problems, as a geek.) Secondly, interests don't always lend that much to talk about (take musicals, for example... how the hell do you talk to someone about the Scarlet Pimpernel.). I'd much rather make friends based on the personalities behind the interests, and pick the people that I'd enjoy being around, regardless of what we are doing. That, I think, would make it a much more valuable and worthwhile friendship.

And now that you've read that... is it unreasonable/silly/stupid for me to believe that friends IRL might help me, if I ever need it? Or would you say that's what families are for, and they're the ones I should turn to?

Discuss.

Current Mood: curious curious

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Comments
10101 From: 10101 Date: April 21st, 2005 05:44 am (UTC) (Link)
no.

they may come somewhat close - ie, REALLY GOOD AMAZINGLY GOOD FRIENDS of REALLY GOOD AMAZINGLY GOOD OFFLINE FRIENDS - and only for that degree of separation - but regardless, we have to eventually meet offline or have the actual intention and possibility of doing so - which is why that degree of separation is alright.

plus, so much of what i have learned a/b my best friends is not from what they have said to me, but what is unsaid and i read in their gestures, their eyes, their non-gestures, their silences. a friend online is like a book, and as descriptive as it may be, it's never as three-dimensional as a friend right in front of me - and it's in that dimension that you are fully aware of your own mortality and life.

it's different for different people tho. i think my opinion a few years ago would have been a very strong 'no, friends on and soffline are the same' - but now that i am in college and surrounded by lifelong friends 24/7, i cannot agree with that statement any longer.
faerunner From: faerunner Date: April 21st, 2005 07:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
No. They used to, because I'm socially inept when I'm not online :P
Most of my online friends are people I know/knew IRL anyway. The exceptions have proven themselves capable friends in some respects but there are some days when a *hug* just doesn't cut it and you need a real hug instead.
And people you meet online can (and do) hide things, or say things they wouldn't say IRL, or do things they might hesitate to do IRL. Sometimes there is a big difference. I trust my online friends but I know that if I met them I'd probably be surprised by who they were.
I think offline friendships count for a lot more. That's not to say that the internet sucks, or that friends can't keep in touch online, but it's much nicer to have a conversation in person.
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