Benjamin Juang (ibneko) wrote,
Benjamin Juang

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Best... friend?

I was filling out a survey today (actually, again - it's a weekly survey, done for one year, in exchange for $150 or $100 dollars. Which, at the looks of it, will go towards a new iPod. ::sigh:: But I digress...) and part of it asked about my thoughts towards my "best friend", and I stopped.

Back at Drew ES, if someone asked me who my best friend was, I would have said Christian Brown (The short kid - anyone else remember him :D I should look him up on thefacebook and see how he's doing.).
Back in middle school, I would have said JVD. Maybe, at some point, Elissa, although I really didn't know her that well either - we only corresponded over e-mail nearly daily? or weekly? for most of that summer.
Back in high school, I would have said Megan. I think I had the most "close friends" at that time, 'round sophomore or junior year... before Anika drifted off and Elissa found boys or something. At that time, I would have counted them, as well as Lily, Karen, Gordon... But best friend, at points, would have been either Megan, or... I dunno. Honestly, Karen was never really a "best friend", actually... I think, perhaps, it has to do with feeling, or knowing, that her priorities were elsewhere. I wasn't, and I still don't think I'm someone particularity important to her.

I guess, at some point, I should define "friend", and "best friend" and such... Putting words to a relationship is kinda... restrictive, and keep in mind, in no way should you use the below as a basis for... anything, really.

A friend is someone that I can laugh with and not feel too bad about asking them for favors.

A close friend would be someone that I confide in, forgive them for just about everything that would typically annoy me, etc.

A best friend... person that I hang out with all the time, that I tell almost everything to, that can usually finish my sentences or figure out what I'm thinking... Not worry about shielding myself when I'm with them. Etc.

Yeah... best friend. I don't think I can call anyone that right now. I don't really know Megan anymore... I'd say the people closest to a best friend at the moment would be Ting... Maybe Jonathan or Lily, but both are... I'd call it "too widely spread"... they've got friends and things going on all around them, and I'm too.. lazy, or polite, to bother them too much.

It has so much to do with how much communicating goes on, I guess.

It's probably my fault, actually, that people have drifted away from me. School, along with other things, brings us together... and without school to prompt me into actively seeking out people, I tend to... stick to myself and not bother people. And I'm not a great conversationalist. Well, that is, sit me down at a table, with food, and try to talk to me over dinner would have poor results. Sitting me down at a couch would be equally bad. But give me a puzzle... something to focus a good half portion of my brain on, would make me less nervous, and more capable of responding coherent, and maybe even making conversation. Pity I can't play with a small pen or something at interviews. Bleh.
Tags: friends, friendships, musings, relationships

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