Sexual Activity Calorie Guide

It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the calorie content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the results are in:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent..........................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand.................................12 Calories
With your teeth..............................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection.........................3315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary......................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real..........................................112 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..................................................18
Calories
Getting up immediately..............................................36
Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years...................................124 Calories
50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
70 and over..............................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories

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Taken of someone's facebook wall.

Ok, I swear, I'll stop procrastinating now!

Tags: humor
Current Mood: amused