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IBNeko's Journal-Nyo~!
ibneko
ibneko
Thus comes the end of yet another chapter...
...and the start of a new one.

Damn longass entry. Click here NOW to skip to the bottom... Xanga people may wish to use the other links I've provided.

(last chance to skip...)

Looking backwards... (A summary...
School (North-Point):
Eh, school was school. Last semester was terribly lousy. Changes will have to be made - we've determined that. Most of you will not be told exactly how much I have to change, and that's fine with me, I think. ^^;; Don't ask, chances are you won't be told. (I'm practically asking for someone to ask, aren't I... tsk, tsk.)

Life (Inner-Circle):
I'm a bit more confident with where I stand with Karen-senpai. Hopefully, memories will last and not fade or warp. I have pictures and memories. Thank you, Karen. I doubt you actually read my livejournal, but you've made me one happy kitty this past week in August, 2006. (I'm afraid thought... fear... fear of pain should... something bad happen. A side-effect of a light Sight is that one does tend to be more pessimistic. You See so many possibilities, but the bad ones stand out, and they... grow on you. So I'm wary... I take care of that seed of doubt, so if there is a fall to come, it won't hurt too much. Freefall is always more rewarding, I'm sure, but... I'm scared.)
I watch my parents grow older, it's... a bit frightening. Not too bad, sometimes, but... sometimes... I worry. (Partially, it's because I don't see time as seconds, but strings of events, so... I can't tell where things are...) But.. I... don't think there's anything to worry about here. Relationships with relatives by blood are good. My sister has grown up. It's a bit disturbing. =^.-=

Life (Outer-Social):
Massive thanks to you, Lily. Really, no, also to Sis as well, for dragging me to that lunch table back in freshman year - remember? With that, I met Lily, met everyone else (Lady, Karen, Ouqi, Kati, Kate, everyone else... I know I'm missing people here). But it's Lily who's held all of us together - even though we go to different universities, different states, she's the one who keeps all of us together... She's a center, at least for me, to keep me connected with our entire group. So thank you. The quiet, shy boy I am, I wouldn't have been able to keep in touch with everyone without you. I know it's... you're nature to do this, but.. all those parties over winter break, summer break... I owe you one. Not like we track favors anymore. =^_^=
{But yeah, network of friends.. just for fun:

(I'm positive I've forgotten at least one important person. Whoever you are, please hit me.)
Yeah, 'keystones' are Lily, Sharon (and, Willa, as she was the one who always welcomed me there..), Jon/Mark, David. It is colored - Yellow's middle school friends, Blue's high school 'seniors', green's high school 'juniors', blue's livejournal, orange is college. Distance is... somewhat accurate. However, if you're making friendship decisions (involving me, anyhow) of any sort based on this map, I can pretty much guarantee failure.
}

Core (System-Center):
I'm still as shy as I was. Although wiser, I hope, although there's still lots to learn. I no longer classify myself as of unknown gender - I'm still not entirely sure, but probably leaning more towards male. Who knows, ne? Feline tendencies have increased - I find myself slipping and using "mrr" and "mrew" in day to day conversation. Whoops ^^;; I guess I don't get out enough, to talk to "normal" people. Hahahaha. Oh well. I'm more comfortable in my skin now, less... soul searching, although it still happens once in a while, and I try to enforce a self-sanity-check every so often, to make sure I'm still relatively stable. I toss bits of Japanese in with talk as well, which is bad - that's due to a decent amount of anime consumed. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I'm always using it correctly... Hmm. Oh well. Someday, I'll get back to learning Japanese properly. Until then... Maybe I'll find more Japanese friends, so they can correct me. Unlikely. My belief that there's magic in the world, and that there's some Higher Power (Powers That Be) is pretty stable now - there's probably cracks of doubt here or there, but belief is steady and pretty solid. Hey, it's a bit weird, I know. But my life, my mind, my choice. I still prefer watching people over trying and failing to make conversation. I'm still a lover of good stories - plots, characters delight me. Magic or sci-fi and backroom politics add to that. Stuff that adds rules, and/or breaks them. I'm just babbling now, though. I still love laughing - The hour/two length is a bit of a hefty price, but I'll continue going to the improv monday nights.

Summer (South-Legs):
Summer of code, Ouqi's website project, Karen's visit, having one parental unit at home while the other is out traveling... It's been a pretty satisfying summer, really. I didn't get as much done as I wanted - still haven't studied ahead for classes. But otherwise, technically, I have the money I need for rent. Unless I don't make the google deadline. In which case I'll have half of it. Ouqi's stuff is... sadly on hold. I want to get back to it, but... it seems impossible. I also need to get the J-net club site up. Yargh. I don't have content for that. Oh well. At least the design is done - thanks for the assist. Meikou! I owe you one.

Wishes (Forward-Assist):
I'll find someone like Lily at school. But I met her by luck. And the circumstances that brought us together and make the ties as they are... are unlikely to occur in ECE. I don't know. May need someone much more outgoing, and interested in me. Hahahaha, who am I kidding? Besides, with my somewhat 'taken' status, no sane girl would chase after me. Gawdforbid a guy. No one in any of my UIUC circles thus far fill such a role - there's several people I've met recently that could do it, but they all go to maryland. Gah - what's wrong with Illinois, eh? I don't think I could change myself to fill that role either - it's practically my opposite. I'm sure Jon knows someone like that, but... I don't get dragged down to 6-pack often enough, and it's... too hard... rather like lighting a fire with wet wood. Nothing's going to start up. Granted, I don't try hard enough. Oh well, ne?
I need to change my study habits. Or the way I memorize things. I should figure out straight forward, text memorization - but the way my mind current works, I remember fuzzy images and feelings. Half-life of any memory is three days, at longest. At which point, a previously clear image, would be pretty much half deteriorated. Doesn't help when I'm cramming for exams, I can tell you that. Especially when it's worse with less sleep. So my wish here, is for a better memory. Or a new way to do this. Or an exemption from exams, in exchange for papers and labs.

Hahaha. I found it.Issues (Anomaly-Reverse):
I'm never going to be successful in life. I'm a failure. Know why? 'cause I can't remember any of this detail - all those formulas in 210, 329? I'm never going to remember those enough to use in the workforce. I'm sure others don't remember, but... I.. literally don't remember anything. 210 stuff? All gone, I believe. Hell, I don't remember most of what I learned in 391 and 448. I'm a miserable failure. But I'll forget this soon enough. Yep. That's the only benefit - I don't hate people for long, I don't remember why I'm upset, once it's over, I forget. It also makes me a wonderful secret keeper - tell me something, and I'll pretty much promptly forget within the next week. What else am I good for? I can be a code monkey. Give me google, a text editor, and I'll code for you. ::laughs sarcastically::

Conclusion (End-Tie)
I think that about covers it all... Got questions, ask. I doubt people will have anything to say. If you actually read though all that, 'grats (Damn, man, you shouldn't have done that to yourself...). I'm sure you're sick of me now~ so move on. =^^= It'll do you good. Go read sinfest or something.

[ info ] Map was made using OmniGraffle, by the way. It's not a meme. Nifty app though, especially for those who are more visual organizers.

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Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: Numb/Encore - Jay-Z And Linkin Park - Collision Course/CD1

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Comments
tinkleneko From: tinkleneko Date: August 14th, 2006 10:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
I will strangle that kitty face of yours. Someday. Just you watch.

Oh and don't forget to thank Victor someday for changing me XD You know you owe it all to him- how wonderful your sister has become XDD

My summer plans have failed vastly as well.

"I don't think I could change myself to fill that role either - it's practically my opposite." You can always try. It won't hurt =D

"So my wish here, is for a better memory." Same here. I still haven't figured out how mine works though. Like, I'm like sleep more, better memory. But that... doesn't quite work out how I want it.

BLAGHABLUGABLAGABLA.

Ok. I don't quite know what that means, but I think my head's saying- "Have fun in life, relax and do your best at everything. and don't give up =] =D "
barefootsailor From: barefootsailor Date: August 14th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
*huge hugs*

Look, I know I'm the worst person ever at keeping in touch--but I'd be more than willing to try again. You're such a wonderful person, insightful and caring and smart, and I'm not losing you to the midwest/east coast divide, bro.
ibneko From: ibneko Date: August 16th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
:: hugs back:: Nah, you're not the worst person~ I've met worse.

Mmrrrr. You won't lose me~ My memory's bad, but I won't forget you that easily, even if we don't talk that much. Although we probably should stop the glancing and smiling at each other at parties. ^^;; even though that's probably my fault - i never really know what to say or keep a conversation going properly, except when I'm hidden behind a computer...
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 15th, 2006 12:30 am (UTC) (Link)
In the real world, I don't think those formulas are really going to be needed. You're far from a failure: think about all the cool Internet/web stuff you can do.

I like your graphic - its neat. Like facebook, but better.
From: acc2 Date: August 15th, 2006 12:36 am (UTC) (Link)
That was me up there, but I realized I forgot to login.
ibneko From: ibneko Date: August 16th, 2006 11:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
In the real world, I don't think those formulas are really going to be needed. You're far from a failure: think about all the cool Internet/web stuff you can do.
Mrf, then why are we learning them? XP And as for all the 'cool' web stuff.. :: shrugs:: it's.. I don't know. I guess one could get a job doing that, but it's only something I've dabbled in, and still not an area of expertise. I don't know... it's just a bit depressing when I look around and see Derek and Mark and other people who are using skills they've learned in school elsewhere. (Ok, maybe not Derek. I don't remember what he's doing right now... but he's smart.)

I like your graphic - its neat. Like facebook, but better.
Heh, thank you.

Facebook, huh. That'd be interesting, if they add a feature to let you assign values to each friend based on how close you are... then graph things out... although I can hear the drama already, "OMG!!!1! how come you only rated me a 3?! I thought we were better friends than that!"
From: akumahu Date: August 15th, 2006 01:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
And you kept my sanity... thanks :P
ibneko From: ibneko Date: August 16th, 2006 11:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wait, you're sane..? =^.-=
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