But with windows... argh. What the hell.
Oh, lovely, not only will it not work, it has also decided to tell me I'm not running "geniune" windows. Oh well, there doesn't appear to be too much of a difference between "geniune" crap and crap... as long as it doesn't do stupid things like, shutting down randomly, or not running what I need it to run... then that's fine. Be normal crap for all I care.
https/svn/trac server back up. Hurrah! Required steps: ran all the installers. downloaded xampp, ran the apache service installer. Modified the Apache2 service to point to the proper apache. Rebooted. Discovered I had to uninstall the random IIS service I installed (it ate my 80 and 443 port. Hrumph). Rebooted it again. Tested... it's working!